This is really long, but I need some advice. Please read. I went on a date with a new lady the other night, to say it went bad is an understatement. We planned to go to a very high end fine-dining restaurant called "UNO" and planned to meet at about 6pm. It was the first time going to such a fancy restaurant, but I really always wanted to do this so the decision was as much for personal self-fulfillment as it was to impress my potential woman. So I started driving to the city, and in the centre console found a half finished Mc'Donalds cup of orange juice from earlier that morning. I figured I would finish it off and hold it carefully while I drove into the city. I guess I left some sort of plastic wrapper in the backseat with a metallic lining, because I had the windows down and the wind made the wrapper flap around. I thought there was a wasp or some kind of flying demonic soul sucking creature in the car and I jumped, spilling the delicious OJ all over myself and the car. I don't really mind though because I'm a laid back guy, and figured it could be a nice conversation starter. I made it into the city at about 6pm, and headed for the restaurant. In the end, she was more than two hours late. Yep, two hours. Which is absolutely not on. Since good punctuality is the best quality a person can have I really didn't feel overly confident about the success of the night. She was texting me telling me that she was 20 minutes away for at least one of those hours. Luckily there was some good live music on near by so I went and waited in a bar until she notified me of her arrival. When we finally met up just before 8pm she tried to tell me we should leave because "this place sounds European and I hate Europeans" which is such a typical opinion to hear from non-punctual scum. She asked me about why I was covered in OJ and before I could even answer, she told me some story about how she is allergic to the "orange" in OJ and that any physical contact is strictly prohibited. I'm feeling pretty pissed at this point and mumbled something like "god damn cockblocking orange juice mother fucker"... but pretty sure she heard it based on the look she gave me. Figured its not even worth dealing with and so I promptly lead us both inside to be seated before she could question what happened. The service was like nothing I had ever imagined, to the point where I began to feel morally conflicted. I can only imagine this must be what it is like to have slaves, because the waitors bowed to my every whim. The food was disappointingly average, and I feel like if i'm paying $100+ for a piece of meat it should by the very least include a complimentary top hat and monocle. I feel like most people including the chefs at this restaurant don't understand what it takes to make real kobe beef. The genuine animal has to be administered a deep tissue massage and also plied with single malt scotch at least once each day by Sakoshi Hitachmiru himself. And since his wife found out about Sakoshi's infidelity a few years ago, the only meat he's been massaging is his own, which means the genuine article is now more rare than ever. Naturally, the makers of Kobe beef attempted to produce comparable substitutes for their signature product. The results were mixed and it's very likely I was dining on one of these sub-par substitutes that night. While the St' Luxford's Succulent Strips was one gamble that paid off, others weren't so successful. Conversation flowed relatively easily and she seemed to enjoy everything we ordered, carrot (very orange) included. This made me question her initial intentions with regards to the "contact prohibition" rule and so I brought it up again. I was almost too embarrassed to say anything, it might have been time for me to re-evaluate my intentions, but I was uncomfortable with the obvious dead-end that this date was turning out to be. I tried to bring up ideas for how we could add more sausages and tacos to the evening in an organic and un-forced way, but the "orange" allergies story resurfaced and I was stonewalled at every turn. She was a pretty fit woman, and I asked her what she does to stay in shape. Mostly diet she said, she was super into the new greens diets with high amounts of Kale, which be coming increasingly popular in the gay community. I've tried dressing kale up a million different ways, it still tastes like i'm eating out of the cracks in the floor of Satan's bathroom. I asked a nutritionist, Bono, how to prepare dark greens - such as kale and spinach - in a way that I won't mind the nasty taste. He gave me an easy recipe, simply rinse and steam the greens, drizzle them in olive oil, and stick them up your asshole. Your body will absorb all the key micro-nutrients and you won't taste anything. Just make sure to get them deep up in you, like maybe 8-12 inches. They digest better that way. I didn't share this information obviously as I didn't want to seem like a person who doesn't appreciate the taste of kale, kind of like how an 18 year old would never admit to disliking beer even though studies have made clear links between beer drinking and Stockholm syndrome. I did however reveal that I didn't like the taste of kale and this didn't go down well at all. She pretty much stated that we are completely incompatible and that if I ever want to succeed in life I need to start enjoying kale smoothies. We wrapped things up quickly, skipped desert, said our goodbyes and parted ways. The thing is she seemed like a pretty fun person and I'd still like to see her again, so I guess the advice I'm looking for is how can I learn to enjoy Kale and is it possible to be allergic to the colour Orange? Thanks for any help.
Kind of need a balance. If she encourages you to push your boundaries and open to new experiences then great. If you have to pretend you're someone you're not to avoid her judgement then not so great. Edit: plus 2 hours late to a dinner date is just shitful.
If this is real (and not something copy/pasted off the internet) then move on. The visual appeal will wane very quickly under the weight of a walking 300lb bag of ***holes. Plus, the green diet really ups the ol' body odor.
Hold your horses romeo, this isn't the third date. I expected a coffee shop, or even an ice cream parlor to break the ice. I'm not going to spend a buttload of my money to possibly find out if we're not going on dates in the foreseeable future. Point being is, if she violates all table rules, is extremely rude or you figure out that she has a dick, then you just wasted a fortune. red flag #1 - No. If you guys already agreed to a set time on where to meet up, and she had the audacity to show up even an hour late, then that's disrespectful as it stands especially since it seems that she didn't have a good reason to back up why she was late in the first place. red flag #2 - I don't have to go into detail about this one. red flag #3 - Apart from rudely interrupting you. Uhh yea. RIP, up to you. TL;DR listen to the crooked old lady(msladydeath), i can smell the high maintenance all the way from California.
No, EZ, rekt is what wasted's blowhole will look like when i get my grubby paws on it. ..... crooked old lady.... spry enough boy! Ps.... never google crazy foot ass with the filter off... just sayin